Every now and then something comes up that burns me alive with the need TALK TO YOU! There seems to be one particular reoccurring feedback on my books, and I want to address it, so let’s.
“I love this book but why’d she have to take the sex too far with that GROSS thing. Ewww so disgusting!”
They mean the squirting. The gross, icky, disgusting, inappropriate lady-ejaculation. What even kind of hussy slut writes that? So bad. Tsk.
If you’ve read my books you know there’s a lot of squirting. I totally understand that we all have our own tolerances and heat levels, and that’s fine, read what works for you! But let me assure you that there isn’t one act to be found in any of my books that’s there for titillation or shock value. In fact, if you’re a reader of mine, you’ll know already that my kink is restrained and that’s largely because I write what I understand and not more.
There is a very, very good reason that squirting exists and will continue to exist in my work—because that’s my genuine and honest interpretation of what I expect would be the result in real life. We won’t always have the kind of sex that’s rolling, full body convulsing, orgasmic. We won’t always have an orgasm from penetration alone (some of us never will).
*TMI ALERT* Warning, warning.
However, in my personal experience (even if it’s not yours), if there’s a g-spot orgasm, if the heroine is getting off from a rough fingering, there’s most likely going to be some degree of gushing. It doesn’t have to be so theatrical (the squirting I write isn’t!), but it’s probably going to be there!
In my experience, any-hoo.
So, if I were to EXCLUDE that in my work—oh wow, boy, and holy fuck, the reasons for that would be problematic. What are those reasons? Why would I withhold the real response?
Because female ejaculation is distasteful in a way a man’s isn’t?
Because things a woman’s body does are more shameful than what a man’s body does?
For those of you who cringe because you think squirting is “messy”, have you ever met semen? That shit is messy.
P.S Messy can be excellent.
I won’t be taking squirting out or holding it back. I was going to say “sorry”, but it turns out I’m truly not!!
There’s more than enough sexual shame to go around. I receive the same messages constantly—modest girls don’t be too honest, nice girls don’t enjoy “gross” things, good girls don’t be too sexual. As though sexuality is a male commodity with the underlying assumption that we shouldn’t really have one.
But you wanna know the saddest part?
That ultimately, if a woman is having a g-spot orgasm—squirting—she is probably also experiencing some of the most intense pleasure her body is capable of.
Can we break that down: Most intense pleasure = Most intense shame.
Nope! Let’s agree to not perpetuate that. This is why even in my darkest romance you’ll find heroines initiating sex and gushing all over the place. When I see girls suffering because these same messages are still rolling around and around, everything in me wants to pull her aside and say, I feel you sister, but let’s smash that bullshit.
Which is why I feel blessed to be able to write my own authentic sexual perspectives (which are constantly evolving), and why it is so wonderful to be in a community where there are so very many sex-positive, shameless authors. Some of my favourites are Cara Mckenna (I shit you not, this author changed me), Tessa Bailey, Megan Heart, and Tiffany Reisz.
The true value of literature to me is the way it provides a new lens in which to view life and the world around me, and even myself. All of these authors altered my lens in some way. That’s a gift I both appreciate, cherish, and will never stop striving to achieve in my own work.
Think squirting is gross? Here’s a fresh lens. Sometimes you need to look once, twice, or a third time before the picture changes.
Also, here’s a list of books that gave me an opportunity to evolve and/or challenged me, and all of which I enjoyed!
Dirty by Megan Hart
The Siren by Tiffany Reisz